Monday, February 16, 2009

LAME ATTEMPT AT A COMEBACK! (of cheesecakes and Barack, shoes and FaceBook, Chuck Bass and the new man in my life)

It's been two years since I wrote on this blog! TWO YEARS! WOW!

I wish there was some solid reason I could give for stopping. How maybe in the last 23 months I have had time for quiet introspection and the eyes of my soul opened up and I have now reached a plain where I am above all others with a stick so far up my ass that if you look into my eyeballs you can see the branches... but NO!

I just stopped writing... maybe it was something in the cheesecake...hmm come to think of it I went back for that cheesecake for the first time in 2 years last week to celebrate yet again the beginning of ANOTHER diet (why all women celebrate the beginning of a weight loss program with adding another at least 5 lbs to the existing "problem", we will never know)It's a bitch especially if you never start cos you keep postponing till "next Monday" (lol) Now you're 5 lbs worse off.

So!!! Let's play catch up!

In the time I've been gone I figure people have stopped reading so this is for my one FAN who made me get on my computer today and write.

So... the biggest news ever! My baby daddy is now ruler of the free world. GO BARACK! There is nothing like the feeling that was in the air in that moment. I was there for the elections but not for the inauguration but it is a remarkable and beautiful thing.

2) I went on a successful weight loss plan. Worked my ass off (literally). Had a trainer and everything. Looked fabulous and then decided it wasn't me and gained it all back... and then some lol Seriously which is why I'm back on another training program but this time it's not a vanity thing, more like a death thing.
My FEET got FAT!!!!!!! And I will die the next time I walk into Jimmy Choo and ask for a pair of shoes and I can't zip them up (I'll put up a picture of the shoes with the post) I broke down in the store and gave the sales guy some excuse about my feet still been swollen from the 10 hour flight **side eye**

On the real though I don't want to die. Adult on-set diabetes, heart failure, cholestrol problems just to name a few.

Images of me in a Size 8 Nicole Miller sheath dress also help me kick up that incline on the treadmill.

3) I GOT MARRIED!!!!! to my blackberry. I figure anything that you touch so much, sleeps in your bed every night, goes to the bathroom with you, and shuts down when you need it the most is close enough to a husband (HA!) I don't know what my life would be without my blackberry at this point. I just can't imagine it. It changed my life.
The fact that I can now GOOGLE about a thousand more times than I used to in a day? Is like... (there are no words).

4) Everyone I know IS married or about to be married. Even my closest friends Bey & Jay got married (I'm happy for her because it would have been weird to put out a single with the chorus "IF U LIKED IT THEN U SHOULDA PUT A RING ON IT") I would have had to be like "glass houses and stones Bey, glass houses and stones".

Back to this, I have ONE single friend left. IF she calls and tells me she is engaged I have decided a mail-order bridegroom from Eastern Europe or the Middle East is the way. I haven't quite figured out the specifics of my ad but my selling point is definitely..."WANT AMERICAN PASSPORT??"

5) I'm auditioning for the sequel of the movie '27 dresses' since Katherine Heigel got married at the end (?) I dunno I didn't make it to the end... I slept. But I am using this avenue to let everyone know I will no longer; after the 2 MORE weddings this year, be a bridesmaid for anyone. I will be ANYTHING you want me to be but I will not wear anymore dresses I can never wear again, stand and hold a smile in a line with my clones, be forced to wear colors that don't even exist on the color wheel. I LOVE YA! I'm happy for ya! Come on! what is raspberry plum if not pink? What is apricot if not orange or peach?, and WTF is chartreuse? It's 50% green and 50% yellow? WHAT THE HELL? Only two things I know green and yellow look good on is a banana and an iguana.

I respect every girl's dream to be the center of attention on her day and have all the frills and thrills that come with the excitement of a wedding. I don't get it but I respect it. I can't imagine it but I respect it. When and if I do get married, the only thing people will be inconvenienced with is hearing the post-wedding announcement.

6) I have got to be the biggest GOSSIP GIRL FAN! I am taken with Chuck Bass. As a matter of fact I have only been attracted to Chuck Basses all my life. It is amazing to see your dating history in one man. Emotionally stunted and unavailable men, dark, brooding, don't ever want to be touched, not rule bound! Every character on Gossip Girl pales in comparison to Chuck Bass. He is the man of my dreams and reality.

7) The Sex and the city movie! NUFF said! We are a go go for a sequel.

8) Facebook OMG! How could I forget FB. I don't participate much but here's the thing; all human beings have it in them to be voyeurs. We can't help looking at what we know we shouldn't be looking at. That's all I'm saying.

So there it is, here I am. Still fickle, still a slave to fashion, still love to write, this will still not be a sounding board for general and grand pronouncements about society and all that is wrong with the world, for that watch CNN, BBC, and ALJAZEERA.

However I am still taking the hard road on my journey to self-discovery. It's not good for my soles but it works wonders for my soul ☺

**Dedicated to you who lights a fire in my heart and under my ass! HA! HA!