Thursday, August 18, 2005


In the past month, I have watched as my social life has taken a gradual spiral downturn... by choice. I don't know what's to blame for this. I make all these plans during the week and then come Thursday night into Friday morning I feel like a balloon that someone's let all the air out of. I can't seem to get my head around partying or socializing.

Lately all I can think about are two things. Love and Money ( and that's in no particular order). I am going through an "early life crisis" not to be confused with the mid-life crisis that comes with affairs and a flashy red Maserati. I am desperately in search of a meaning to my life and not knowing where to turn is a bit frustrating. They say it's normal to feel a sense of detachment in your early 20's. You're supposed to feel like you don't know what you want to do with your life and this is the time where you're supposed to do some soul searching and find yourself. Well I must be rolling with the wrong 20-somethings because most of the people I am friends with, have their lives together and are jetting towards retirement at 35. I on the other hand after two business degrees and reading all the books in the world, still feel empty.

I am particularly been meticulous of the decisions that I need to make at this point in my life because I feel they will either make or break me. I am a control freak who obsessively tries to marginalize all possible errors that could occur in my life. From career choices to love and life in general. It's been one hell of a roller-coaster trying to make decisions. Even more mind-boggling is the fact that though I've come a long way in convincing myself that I don't care what anyone thinks, in the back of my mind, I am desperately searching for validation from the people in my life to kind of stir me in some sorted direction.

Himself says I'm dealing with a lethal dose of "reality check" (sometimes it sucks to have a man who can be so in tune with himself and life) I hate that- REALITY CHECK... if this is my reality then pass me a feather pillow
because I need to keep on dreaming for a while.

In my quest to find myself again (BECAUSE I GO THROUGH THIS PHASE ABOUT 2-3 TIMES A YEAR) I have done the usual reading and writing. I have been so encouraged by the words of Maya Angelou. Ladies, please read Phenomenal Woman and Still I Rise amongst others. Her words have been such a source of inspiration.
I don't know how long this phase will last but I do know that it's the journey not the destination that counts.
And with love and Ms. Angelou on my side. I will get through it cos I'm a

do need to get it together cos mama needs a new pair of shoes and they don't accept finger snaps at Neiman's (not that I've tried)

"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thursday, August 11, 2005


Monday- Peter Jennings passed away last nite. God rest his soul. It’s amazing how someone is there one minute and the next, they’re gone. Also has made me aware how deadly cancer is how it is of course no respecter of person. I am devastated and truly shocked. America has lost one of it’s greatest news anchors. He’s the only one I’d watch for the nightly news. Really sad… Seems like all the greats are leaving us. First, my favorite actor on my favorite show (Law & Order) Jerry Orbach, dies. No longer will I hear those witty and hilarious one-liners delivered at the crime scene again. Then Luther, I was at a club (11:45) at an event showcasing up and coming Nigerian artistes, when Dare Art-Alade announced the passing of Luther and did a wonderful rendition of “Dance with my Father”. Needless to say the mood changed and most of my friends and I cried at the loss of someone who had been a part of our lives. God bless them all.

DISCOVERY IS HOME! It’s amazing how even though I am away from America, I am still so patriotic. My eyes still water every time I hear the songs “America The Beautiful” and “The Star-Spangled Banner”. On 4th of July, I was depressed because I was at work so no barbecues for me. I watched Discovery’s landing live and was so excited when it touched down. People didn’t understand why I was so excited and still drew blank when I explained how important this was because of the men and women we had lost when “Columbia” crashed in 2003. WELCOME BACK!
America will always be a part of me and I will always be American deep down in my heart.

Wednesday- THE HYATTES! My goodness so this story came on CNN about this couple who were on some Bonnie & Clyde sh*t. This woman busted her man on his way to prison. What the hell? Then I go and look on the website and they’re also on some Ebony & Ivory sh*t. I know this is a bad time to bring this up but the brotha is a cutie. No wonder he had Ms. Snow-White all loved up…lost her job and married his ass in prison and made him kill an officer of the law. I don’t know how smart they are though. At this rate they’ll catch up to them before the end of week. started its semi-annual Blue sale today. Ladies. u can get up to 85% on tons of stuff... SHOES... SHOES and more SHOES...

Thursday- THEY GOT CAUGHT! Bonnie & Clyde Version 3.0 got caught. No surprises there! I say 3.0 because there was the first B & C and then there was Version 2.0 (Jay-z & Beyonce) and now these clowns who thot they could get away with murder. Let’s see how they can be together now. That was some dumb sh*t. I don’t care how bad this sounds, but a sista would never have gotten herself in that situation. She’d have been like “I luv u boo but I got ur back from way over there!” lol “NO! U messed up! Deal with it and do the damn time!”
Kimora Lee Simmons who seems to be spending all her time at the tanning salon nowadays got off with a slap on the wrist. I am so mad at that. A high speed chase and drug possession and all of a sudden the charges were reduced to careless driving. And they say money can’t buy everything…

Friday- IS MY DAY OF LEISURE AND PARTYING! So I’ll give you my ‘unasked for’ opinions over the weekend if I wake up before Monday that is!

Smooches x

Wednesday, August 10, 2005


I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth. I will explain my inability to be as frequent in my writing. It’s the same reason every woman changes her routine/ritual which she has sworn by for forever, it’s the same reason you can’t live with but still can’t live without- A MAN...ok not just any man... THE MAN (If I had a dollar for every time I've said that... I'd still be poor) lol
I don’t know if I send out insomniac vibes but I only seem to attract insomniacs like myself. I am the only one that I know you can call at 3am in the morning and I answer the phone like I’m a telephone operator who moonlights at Starbucks! I am always ready for a conversation- with the right person that is. I used to be the one girl-friends will call crying to at all hours in the morning to bitch and moan about their men.

So all I seem to do with my days and more of my nites is talk to Himself discussing everything under the sun or moon in this case.
Eagerly anticipating his return.
I am not famous for my patience.
Neither is he. We’re a match made in heaven..ha!!
Plus the man will walk to the Lancome counter and buy me my mascara and GET the right one. I tell u ladies, if he passes the "run to the store and buy me tampons" test. I will propose! (yikes!)

I’m currently reading ‘Last Chance Saloon’ by Marian Keyes. Love her. I’m one book short of reading all she’s published. Thanks to B who is equally as obsessed, I haven’t had to buy one book even though Marian Keyes deserves my money. Oh I did buy ‘Sushi for Beginners’ but still ended up reading B’s copy (don’t ask!)

Anyway ‘Last Chance…’ is about a group of thirty-something’s, who are childhood friends and of course everyone of them is twisted in some kind of way. It’s a good read. I recommend it. I’ll recommend Ms. Keyes. The only one I couldn’t get my head into was ‘Lucy Sullivan is Getting Married’ I don’t know if that has more to do with the book or my phobia of marriage. The whole concept of ‘happily ever after’ is a bit scary. The EVER AFTER been the part that scares the bajeyzus outta me. It just doesn’t happen!

Monogamy is an unfeasible social concept. There are just too many of us. And how many times have u found “The One”? How many times have you felt so connected to someone? I think people being together and staying together is a personal decision.
I’ve always felt and said love is a decision. So is commitment and fidelity.
Enough of the raving…
My phone’s ringing.. it’s HIM!!
More as and when… x

"Love makes your soul crawl out from it's hiding place"- Zora Neale Hurston