Thursday, December 21, 2006

COME OUTTA THE CLOSET.


Most people think fashion is fickle.
Most people think that people that seem to take an avid interest in fashion are “faddy”- materialistic- highfaluting- fake-“hoity-toity” to name a few words that have been unfairly synonymous with the world of fashion. I’ve always thought it was funny to be called these names either behind me or to my face in form of a “joke” (as we Yoruba’s say “It is when things are said in jest, that we know the real truth”)
Anyhoo, it’s always been funny to me because every single one of us partakes in fashion. If they are not walking around naked then I don’t think anyone has a right to accuse anyone of been pretentious because they care to look deeper. No one goes into a store with the specific purpose of buying the ugliest piece of clothing in there.
Now, YES I know your mind just went through the “What the hell were they thinking?” “Did you dress up in the dark?” and “This girl has no friends to tell her the truth” moments you’ve ever had.
Let me say, that there is no accounting for taste and as we all know “One man’s meat is another man’s poison” NO ONE and I mean NO ONE in their right minds, sets out to buy an item of clothing that will make them look less than attractive or down right UGLY.

I was reading a paper that was written by a friend of mine over 10 years ago on Fashion & Photography and he explores the “Fashion Theory” in his paper. He quotes Suzy Menkes; who if you ever care to read up on, is one of them most influential people in European fashion.
“The theory of Fashion is an attempt to demonstrate the importance of dress, clothes, and style by means of explaining theories, which constitute the value and the legitimacy of the whole fashion process. The meaning behind fashionable dressing has led the way for fashion to be analyzed on its sociological and psychological implications. If what we wear conveys, symbolic codes and convention about the type of person we are and what type of social back-ground we might attach ourselves to, without evidently speaking to the wearer in person, then the argument is that ‘fashion’ refers exclusively to clothing behavior. In other words ‘fashion is how you can tell people what you are and how you feel about yourself’.”

She couldn’t have hit the nail on the head any more directly than she has already. It is a widespread cultural practice for us to mark our identities with what we wear. The correlation between appearance and character is very imminent in society today. Not only do we care about the people who know us but also we care about public perception. You will always be anonymous to someone on the streets yet every woman has a desire to watch themselves been watched. Even a smile of appreciation from a stranger who we may never lay eyes on again validates the effort we have put into projecting an image. Whether it’s the dress you put on, or the shoes you matched “effortlessly” with the intricate details of your outfit, or that purse you splurged on, it feels good to be appreciated.

While some of us girls dress up to impress and attract our men, some of us say we dress up to impress other women; I guess we are our own harshest critics and to get a nod of approval from another woman is BIG, other women say they dress to impress themselves (Yeah sure! WHATEVER!)
Clothes have always been a vehicle to convey social strata, class, religion, culture, desires, beliefs and our subconscious minds. Why then do some of us condemn something that is a part of who we are and will always be?
Is it because we confuse fashion and style? Do we confuse the money making venture and the fa├žade of the gliterrati and larger than life acts of the creative minds to draw attention to their creations with the simple fact that at the end of the day it’s really all about the clothes?
Here’s the difference fashion can be bought, fashion is the business of it all.
Your style cannot be bought, can’t be duplicated or paid for.

It’s no wonder we all have people that we look up to in fashion. For every personal taste, there is a public figure out there that serves as a model. With that been said, you could never look exactly like the person who you choose to emulate because they have their own attitude, aura and swagger and you have yours. Therein, lies the difference,

From wanting Lindsay Lohan’s bag collection, to drooling over a watch you see in the pages of this month’s VOGUE to wanting that Peridot & Ruby skirt you saw your girl rocking in a picture. Fashion transcends every level of society and we all in our own little way are a part of it. It doesn’t have to be expensive it has to be YOU.
So get over your guilt trip. Because you want the Rock & Republic jeans you’ve scoped Posh Beckham wearing in the tabs; you wanting a pair badly doesn’t mean you want to be like her, because you feel the need to re-create a look you’ve seen Paris wear doesn’t make you an airhead.
Don’t be a closet fashion freak.
Come on out the closet or get back in there and celebrate the FABULOUSNESS that is YOU! lol

Happy Holidays!

Friday, December 15, 2006

HANG UP THE SAAB, B!


I love Beyonce, I admire her. I am however tired of this look. Geez she looks like she's expecting her limo to turn into a pumpkin at the stroke of midnight.
If I see Beyonce in one more Elie Saab gown this month... I might pull all my hair out.


It's the same look over and over again. Chandelier diamond earrings, long flowing gown with a train so we can't see the shoes and OH MY GOD! let's not get me started on that hair and that ridiculous weave. There is a reason why your stylist/mom only has one client- YOU! Maybe someone thinks they're irreplaceable... fix it!


Beyonce darling I love you and awards season is coming up and from the direction of things with your recent Golden Globe™ nomination (Congratulations by the way) You may feel the need to re-create this look. FIGHT THE URGE! I mean you gave up carbs, this should be easy enough.
It's cute once, but not over and over again!
If I turn on E! Live on the Red Carpet and see Beyonce wearing one more Elie Saab gown, I will jump into the TV and rip it off her toned body right then and there!
Come back to Lagos, let my girls Peridot & Ruby (www.peridotandruby.com) hook you up with a dress that'll have Jay lock that down permanently! lol

MoMOSAS, MOJITOS & ML COOL J???


OH WHAT A NITE!
I am at my desk this morning looking like the living dead! I just noticed as I switched on my laptop and saw my own reflection that I forgot to put on earrings this morning... which NEVER happens!
I am getting OLD! I promise this is the last Thursday that I will ever go out when I've got work in the morning... after Xmas sha! lol I got dragged out cos it's a friend's birthday today. Seeming that unbeknownst to him I have been planning a surprise birthday dinner all week, he thot this was his one chance to celebrate his birthday. Since we couldn't spoil the surprise, we had to play along. Little did I know that the nite had plans of it's own for me.
So first port of call was SAIPAN. To cut a long story short, between mojitos, 2 bottles of champagne & me making my world famous MoMOSA'S™ (NO it is not a typo, u can see the trademark sign, it is my twist on the mimosa) Which I'm still wondering why cos 3 out of 5 of us don't drink & remember that I quit drinking over a year ago. One word of advice, if you don't drink or haven't in a while, cocktails & champagne should not be ingested without caution... needless to say I was reminded AGAIN why I quit drinking about an hour into making cocktails for everyone.
By the time we got to 6 degrees North, I decided it was time to head SOUTH towards a bed! My body just couldn't handle anymore air kissing & pretending like I really give a rat's ass "How you've been since I saw you last week" (my Lagos peeps know lol)

NEXT UP... my feet let me down yesterday. This is an ode to my feet.
DEAR FEET, why have thou forsaken me?
I give you love, pedicures & OPI and all you did yesterday was betray that love.
Never a corn, never a bunion or worse; athletes foot & yet you betray my love.
I'll ask you like I asked Paris...Pourqoui? pieds Pourqoui?
Clearly I'm still buzzing a bit lol

I have overindulged in flats ladies! For the last 4 months or so, I have been obsessed with flats, ballet flats, flat thong sandals, pointy flats and they have been my crack. Please see above as part of my "All I want for Xmas is... list :-)
I never thot I'd EVER say this but my decision to step out in 4½ inch heels yesterday was plain stupid! I did not know you could have muscle pull in your foot until about 3:45AM this morning! I will not give up as I'm wearing another pair of 4 inches tonite!

I've saved the best for last... Let me start by saying Boris baby! I love u & always will but sometimes in relationships u need space to breathe and lust! So allow me i beg... let me drooooooooool.... Ladies can we have a moment of silence pls.
YES Ladies! I dunno if I'm getting rewarded for been naughty or nice cos I got an early Xmas pressie, Luscious James Smith. Now this is one pressie that can come unwrapped hmm mmm mmm...
Infact I've changed his name to ML Cool J cos MOT ain't got NOTHING but LOVE for LL. My goodness! I understand why he has bodyguards, if I looked like that, I'd walk around in a freaking cage! And that smile...
I was shameless yesterday cos I sure as hell did act like a groupie, staring, beaming like I'd died & gone to shoe heaven. He definitely can ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM all up in this anytime! How is it possible that he looks better than he does on TV? His skin was like butter... just FRESH! That is a face & body I can wake up to for the rest of my life. Mrs Cool J, u r one lucky lady! I hope he comes out tonite after the concert. I may have to lay one on him, give him some jungle fever, make him never wanna leave the MOTHERLAND!!! ok..ok..

So that was my crazy nite! Oh I forgot, Akon was partying up in Saipan as well. All I've got to say apart from the fact that I had to kneel down to be on eye level with him is... U can take the boy out of Africa, but Africa ain't came outta that boy!
He's midnight blue! LOL

P.S. If u know me, and are coming home. Pls bring me some ground Italian Roast (coarse) from your nearest Starbucks location. The only reason I'm able to type now is cos I practically had to eat the coffee to be up & from the looks of things. I'm gonna need a whole lot more this Xmas... thaaaaanks!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

POURQUOI??? PARIS POURQUOI???


Unlike my fellow bloggers Tminx and Onada, I'm a bit of a dilettante when it comes to photography. I appreciate art and I love fashion photography but I couldn't tell you what focusing involves if I had a gun held to my head.
I'm the one who always reads the small print in magazines to see who shot the covers and I do the same for cds as well.
One of my all time favorite photogs is the almighty Mario Testino because his reputation precedes him. He's shot most of the classic VOGUE covers you've seen. Of recent, Mario's genius has become one that can clearly only be understood by himself alone. Which brings me to my beef of the week...
Now! I don't know who I'm supposed to blame for this since our darling Paris isn't exactly the brightest bulb on the shelf. Could it be the stylist? and why would Mario agree to photograph Paris's underboobs?
I'm sure this was the stylist's idea. To which our dear sis Paris (bless her echoing mind) responded "That's Hot!"
I mean WTF??? This is distasteful and if this was for shock value, it gave the desired effect but for all the wrong reasons.
I don't see why French VOGUE would need this to move copies.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

MY COUSIN ROCKS!!!

There are very few people in my life that when I think of; I smile. One of those people is my cousin.
She begged me not to blog about her but I am going to do it anyway cos I never listen and after the hour long conversation we had yesterday I just shook my head and thought “MY goodness, I hope every girl has someone like this in their lives”.
SO Suli-Sue a.k.a 'Mummy Baltimore' this one's for u! lol

My cousins & I have defective retail genes (it runs in the family)
Now this one particular cousin is my P.I.C and my Executive Director of Retail Affairs.
My cousin and I haven’t lived in the same city for over 10 years somehow we have remained each other’s consultants & supporters in everything including & most especially fashion & beauty matters. We’re each other’s 24 hour life/support line from “OH MY GOD! I need pink shoes” or “I’m feeling UGLY today” to "STOP CRYING! ARE U AN ODE?? SUCK IT UP! He's a bastard anyway! LOLLLL
I think we consult with each other 90% of the time, the other 10% we call immediately after the purchase. Even after my move, things haven’t changed. T-mobile & Glo love us!
I love my cousin because she’s never once judged one of my impulse/extravagant purchases.
She tolerates my whining and listens and makes me feel better about myself.
She cusses me out when I put myself down and tells me it’s not allowed in our family.
We SWEAR by everything in my family that we are of Brazillian descent because “SOME” of us have hair that proves it lol GOD help you if you try and dispute that or say “HMMM” in our presence.

We have conversations on both extremes of a very broad spectrum.
Serious things in life like religion & world poverty and then the most fickle of things like how we can get Apple to customize a laptop in certain colors and engrave it with our names and maybe someday there’ll be an Apple phone! (Aaah… if only wishes were horses)
I love my cousin because she celebrates everything and wants to make it special.
I love my cousin because she’s the only one I know that LV calls to invite to exclusive shopping events! The next one been tomorrow! (I’m sure there are a lot more of u out there but… this is about my ‘cuz’ NOT U)
I love my cousin because she hasn’t given up hope that someday LV will move it’s technical operations from France so that she can work for them… for the discount.
I love my cousin because even after my 25th attempt at a diet this year, she still forwards me work out routines from her personal trainer & goes over foods to eat and not to eat for the umpteenth time. She's got abs of steel & more discipline than anyone I know.
I love my cousin because of the way her voice sounds when she finds a new feature or software for Apple.
I remember her joy when she saw Beyonce wearing a dress she had worn months before & her celebrating with me when my “Choo” was on Oprah! (we have issues) lol

I love my cousin because her heart is open, she's one of the most spiritual people I know, and she prays for people she doesn't even know.
Somehow in all of this mess, we both have very challenging jobs with grueling schedules of over half a day which we somehow excel in (more her than me!)
My cousins are my biggest fans and will share my blog with their co-workers and anyone who cares to read. They even send out emails when I’ve updated!

Most of all I love my cousin because if I were not who I am, she would still love me the same and still loves me inspite of who I am.
So to my cousin, my sister, my best friend! U ROCK!!!
Much luv from Sisi EKO... lol

Monday, December 04, 2006

MY NAME IS MOT and I’M DYSCALCULIC!!

The older I get, the more I want to purge myself of past demons, of things that I have been ashamed of and couldn’t talk about. Now I feel that I know myself and I’m confident enough to share these things and in some cases even laugh at myself.

If you’ve known me for a while or even for a short period of time you would have heard me say the following sentences about myself. “I am mathematically retarded” or “I can’t do anything outside of basic arithmetic” or “My future partner has to be a math genius, if not, my kids are going to be riding the short bus to school!”
I would always use humor to deflect an issue that has haunted me for ages.

Back in school, my worst position in secondary school was 7th. I was never the kid who was afraid to take their report card home. I remember an incident where most of my friends decided to change the Chemistry grade on their Continuous Assessment Book because we all failed that quarter. They all got in serious trouble but the only reason I wasn’t one of them was because I left on an exeat a day before mid-term break. If not, please believe I would have joined the CROWD!!! Secondary school was very competitive and I remember we would stay up and study/cram all night for exams and tests. I’m not competitive by nature and one of my mantras in life is “If it takes too long and it’s too hard then it’s not worth it” Sometimes u've just gotta know when to give up! (Yeah don’t u just feel for my offspring)
In college, it was the same; I didn’t really have problems with any classes except a Pre-Cal class. That was the first class I failed- I failed it on purpose because I stopped trying. Half way into the semester, I just stopped studying because nothing made sense. It was like Greek to me. I understoond the concepts but once I saw the numbers it would become a muddle, my brain couldn’t process the theories and match them to the numbers.

I’d always had a problem with math and my mom (God bless her soul) would tell me “FOCUS! If only you’d just apply yourself!” All I ever wanted to do was read my storybooks. I remember once when I was 6, my mom bought me an abacus cos she thought it would help with my arithmetic problems and I don’t know when or how but I do remember the day she whooped the living day lights out of me cos I had taken it apart and had strung the beads together into bracelets and necklaces. I had different colors for my dresses lol

I was talking to my friend last night and I felt the need to confess that I have a complex. I know I’m smart but when it comes to math I’m a total DUFUS. He asked if I was one of those people who when I give/when given directions I have to signal with my hands so that it registers and I said “YES! HOW DO YOU KNOW?” He told me he had read up on it and apparently there is a condition similar to dyslexia but couldn’t remember the name.

Maybe slacking at work is one of the symptoms because all I did all morning was GOOGLE – learning disabilities and EUREKA! It’s called DYSCALCULIA (pls see the link below to learn more) I also found an article written by a woman who has the same condition. Her experiences are so similar to mine.
I STILL count off my fingers & toes, I can’t process 3 digit math problems off the top of my head as fast as most of my friends can (just call me Quickfingers on the calculator), I have issues with analog clocks (but can’t wear digital watches for purely vanity purposes… whaat? I said I was Dyscalculic not CRAZY!), I avoid math like the plague, I have no sense of direction, I always get lost and I HATE MAPQUEST for telling me to turn on SO & SO avenue “headed EAST” WTF do I look like? A COMPASS? I also suck at standardized tests! (TAKE THAT S.A.T’S!) The last time I opened a bank statement was NEVER!
I suck at keeping tabs on my financial matters but I don’t think dyscalculia is to blame, that’s just another mental problem - Shopaholicism…more on that :-D

I am at peace now! I want to call my mom and tell her but even with her been a doctor, the Nigerian mother in her will rear its ugly head and say “Hmm MOT, you’re always making excuses”
I don’t care. I’m just happy I’m not an OLODO after all!
I truly hope that this brings someone closure as it has done for me.
And for those of you Einsteins out there…sorry oh! But you could never be as street smart as us!

P.S. Low, this is for u cos I know u will call me and say “MOT! 9877985 minus 8790870 and cackle stupidly WENCH!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyscalculia
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,8123-2217154_1,00.html

Sunday, December 03, 2006

HORSING AROUND (Life List #1)


So I mentioned my life list a little earlier. In my quest to finding myself (though I am slowing realizing that I may never be found) I have a life list that I have sworn I will complete before I die. Usually, people have lists like "Things I want to do before I'm 40" but I've got a LIFE list because Reason 1- I'm a procastinator and Reason 2- I AM a procastinator plus there are some things on there that I like to see as a lifestyle change.

As you know I've got mad love for dogs. My love for animals goes in this order; dogs, horses and then men ;-) (I had to slide that one in there) Anyhoo, learning to ride a horse properly is #1 on my life list. Clearly, my list is not prioritized.
So for the past couple of months, every weekend, I go for my horse riding lessons. Needless to say, not only am I proud of myself that after many failed attempts, I am now consistently riding BUT I think I feel a lifestyle change coming on.

I have also sparked a new interest in my male friends. I've inspired some of them to get on a horse and at least try it once. But I came to find out the hard way that sometimes their intentions aren't always "noble". I illustrate.

MF: Wow! You're getting really good out there!
MOT: (In utmost humility) Thanks, u know we try.
MF: So eemm... does it hurt when u bounce up and down like that?
MOT: At all
MF: U know I heard that when most women ride, they u know... (then they give me the raised eyebrows look with the SHEEPISH smile)
MOT: NAFF OFF!! (Roll my eyes and walk off)

This was the first time, the second dude that asked, I was prepared for. I just said to him. "Well if they do, then I must be doing something wrong!" and I got better! The next I said "Trust a horse to do what a man can't do" lol that answer has worked ever since.
First of all, let me dispell this rumor, I don't know about other women but I have NEVER eerm... derived pleasure from riding a horse lol Why do men automatically go into Beavis & Butthead mode when it comes to sex???

Then I get the kill joys that say to me "Clearly you've never heard of Christopher Reeves". To which I respond, "The fact that u can catch AIDS and die everytime you stick ur "John Thomas" (Sex & the City feens know about JT) where it doesn't belong hasn't stopped you from getting ur freak on so why should I stop?"
U gotta die sometime, it's not when you go, it's how you go.
Which reminds me, my MORBID friend & I had just arrived at the Polo Club a couple of weeks ago when we heard a puppy had just died :-( He got in the way of a hoof and got stamped to death. WE proceeded to make up what his headstone would read. We came up with "Here lies PUPPY... He came, he saw, he got in the way"; "Here lies PUPPY...CRUSHED" lol I know...

So far so good it's been an experience- save for my body hurting every weekend like someone body slammed me repeatedly like in those cartoons and Marcella (will have to put up a pic of her) almost throwing me off when I started using the whip ( B*tch!) lol I haven't regretted one moment of this.

For my fellow 'life listers', consider this, it's alot of fun!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Too Many Books.... Too Little time.



Just as every summer comes and goes, so does my book list. This year, I have not accomplished as much with getting through my reading as I would like to. Unlike last summer where I was going through one book a weekend, this year, that has been far from the case.

I have this thing where once I read a really good book, I become obsessed with the author and have to read everything they’ve ever written that’s out there… some of my victims include; Sidney Sheldon, Omar Tyree, Terry McMillan, Jane Green, Michael Moore, Toni Morrison, Marian Keyes, Lauren Weisberger, Eric Jerome Dickey to name a few.

I have just finished “Everyone worth knowing” by Lauren Weisberger and it took me almost 2 months to finish (gasp!) I know! The book really dragged and for the first time I have to agree with the amateur book reviews I read on Amazon. I was disappointed, this book was a bit like anti-climatic. It was a forced attempt at giving us an insider’s take on the New York social scene; a lot of name-dropping and she managed to wangle a love story in there. I hate to say it but this book didn’t do it for me… AT ALL.

I remember the fateful day I stumbled upon “The Devil Wears Prada”; it was Jan 2004 in Amsterdam and that book single-handedly changed my literary life! I couldn’t put it down for a second! I cannot wait to see the movie!
It opened me up to the world of “chick-lit” before that I was going through my African-American literature phase and had just finished reading all the books written by Omar Tyree and Eric Jerome Dickey After that, came “The Nanny Diaries” and others and I have not looked back ever since.

In my failed attempt to finish Anna Karenina, I have taken it upon myself to attempt another Oprah Book Club favorite. YES! The controversial “a million little pieces” by James Frey. I got it off a friend who was in the middle of reading it when the story broke out about it been a lie. So he dumped it.
So he lied! Boo-hoo! This book was obviously a good read before we all found out. Like I’m ever gonna deny myself the pleasure of a good read because some guy I don’t know from Adam decides to take liberties with his literary license.
I just don’t get why he couldn’t pass it off as fiction. The book has me hooked so far so good. Anyway the rest of my “to-read” list isn’t looking so bad. I’ve got:

1) Babyville- Jane Green
2) Dude Where’s My Country?- Michael Moore
3) Anybody Out There- Marian Keyes.
4) Lovers & Players - Jackie Collins
5) Bergdorf Blondes- Plum Sykes
6) The Interruption of Everything- Terry McMillan


**I wrote this in like July or something and since then I've read a few books! A Million Little Pieces was FANTASTIC! He has another one out called "My Friend Leonard". You gotta love creative people though, I walked into a Borders in August and the ad for the new book said "From the author of A Million Little Pieces, a creation of an over-active imagination!" I couldn't stop laughing. You gotta luv PR and how they put their twist on things! That's what a lie is called nowadays- a product of an over-active imagination... LUV IT!
(Now! If you're looking for a review of "War & Peace". this ain't the blog for u mon ami!)

Right now I am reading Bergdorf Blondes by the very 'chi-chi' Plum Sykes. I luv this book but I swear I've lost some IQ points in the process. I recommend it (lol)
A friend of mine said to me my choice of reading materials sometimes makes him think I need to move back to America, New York to be precise. Why should I? When I have my very own Lagos ( the most FABULOUS city in the world) minus the okadas, danfos, 'go-slow' for damn reason, beggars, LASTMA, and those annoying lil gits that come and try and clean ur window with dirty water/cheap soap (I know u're trying to make a buck but just ask first before u smear my windshield with eau de GUTTER!

BLOG 'RET'



Lol Oh my Goodness! I have a confession to make! Considering the fact that I was one of the first Lagos bloggers, I am RETARDED when it comes to features on this thingy!

So I 'upgraded' to the new BETA version and noticed this page come up with like 50 new comments that needed to be moderated. I'm like WTF??? God I am so having a "is it tuna or chicken" moment rite now. As Ms B. says GOSH u're such a RET! Lol
I don't know how to link to my favorite blogs, I don't even think I've bothered to upload a profile picture or do some of the cool stuff I've seen onada do! I need BLOGGING FOR DUMMIES people.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone that left me comments. My goodness! I was gonna go back and reply everyone of them but I can't. I'm a blog voyeur and I truly envy u guys cos I get a case of blogger block and with the "mess" that is my life, I can't always write.
For a second there I thot I had lost my "MOJO" ;-)

I promise to try harder and I'll go ahead and put up some stuff. I've got so much to share! I should sent be sentenced to wearing lucite heels for a year for keeping it to myself...lol

THANKS AGAIN!