So I had a little shoe party yesterday. I was the hostess, my shoes were the guests. It’s nothing out of the ordinary. At least not in my world because they know me there! I have these parties all the time. I bring my shoes out, I try them on, I pair them with outfits, I treat them according to care instructions, leather gets a coat of leather protector, suede- gets cleaned with a soft cloth and suede protector sprayed on and so on and so forth.
Yesterday got me thinking about how much value I have come to place on my shoes. Let’s ignore the fact that my little shoe collection could most probably buy a little shack somewhere in a third world country lol I’ve often found myself thinking about how much I could have in the bank if I hadn’t overindulged on what some like to call over-priced shoes. To those people I say there is a HUGE difference between some cheap shoes made of man-made materials and shoes that cost a little more but are made of natural materials. U just ask the lady with the bunions and corns on all her toes. U can’t last a whole night club hopping in some cheap shoes! And you may think that as long as they look good no one else will know, but I ask you to search your conscience because if no one else knows… God knows you paid $29.99 for those “If u like Prada pumps then you’d like our …shoes”.
Anyway I remember months ago in Atlanta when the love of my life Eve (my pit bull pup) ate the heel of my shoe. They were the perfect tan pumps and were ruffled in front. I loved those shoes. I really thought that the dog chewing on the shoe thing was another myth like ‘the dog ate my homework excuse’ not until I left Eve in my room to go into the bathroom and came back to her not nibbling, not chewing but CHOMPING on the heel of my shoes! Oh boy! When I think back to that incident now I do believe God was testing my love aptitude.
Needless to say, I failed because Eve got the sh*t slapped out of her and spent the rest of the day in the garage. I mean, I love Eve. She was like my first child. Eve who I’d buy fabulous collars for, Eve who I’d take to the groomers, Eve who I’d take to doggie-daycare so she wouldn’t be lonely when I’m at work, Eve who shared my bed! You can imagine finding her with the shoe in her mouth was like a stab straight through the heart. Although I’d have to confess and say that I did feel better after whacking her.
Now I don’t want the members of P.E.T.A beating down my door and talking about animal cruelty. Chomping on the perfect tan, BCBG Max Azria pumps? Now that’s cruelty because every woman knows how hard it is to find the right shade of tan to go with everything. If Imelda Marcos had some organization to stop the wrongful treatment of shoes, would dogs not be the greatest offenders? Dogs and the guy who designed the first sanchoes boots. I say that in all fairness because I can’t give that credit to a woman. Only a man could have designed something so ugly!
I still have my shoes because I can’t bring myself to throw them away. Firstly, because they cost too damn much and secondly because I have this constant fear that if I do wear them out, someone will confront me, stand me on my head to check out the bite marks on the heel of my shoe!
And now you have true insight into how truly twisted my mind is… lol
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