WHAT A PHENOMENAL DRAG

In the past month, I have watched as my social life has taken a gradual spiral downturn... by choice. I don't know what's to blame for this. I make all these plans during the week and then come Thursday night into Friday morning I feel like a balloon that someone's let all the air out of. I can't seem to get my head around partying or socializing.

Lately all I can think about are two things. Love and Money ( and that's in no particular order). I am going through an "early life crisis" not to be confused with the mid-life crisis that comes with affairs and a flashy red Maserati. I am desperately in search of a meaning to my life and not knowing where to turn is a bit frustrating. They say it's normal to feel a sense of detachment in your early 20's. You're supposed to feel like you don't know what you want to do with your life and this is the time where you're supposed to do some soul searching and find yourself. Well I must be rolling with the wrong 20-somethings because most of the people I am friends with, have their lives together and are jetting towards retirement at 35. I on the other hand after two business degrees and reading all the books in the world, still feel empty.

I am particularly been meticulous of the decisions that I need to make at this point in my life because I feel they will either make or break me. I am a control freak who obsessively tries to marginalize all possible errors that could occur in my life. From career choices to love and life in general. It's been one hell of a roller-coaster trying to make decisions. Even more mind-boggling is the fact that though I've come a long way in convincing myself that I don't care what anyone thinks, in the back of my mind, I am desperately searching for validation from the people in my life to kind of stir me in some sorted direction.

Himself says I'm dealing with a lethal dose of "reality check" (sometimes it sucks to have a man who can be so in tune with himself and life) I hate that- REALITY CHECK... if this is my reality then pass me a feather pillow
because I need to keep on dreaming for a while.

In my quest to find myself again (BECAUSE I GO THROUGH THIS PHASE ABOUT 2-3 TIMES A YEAR) I have done the usual reading and writing. I have been so encouraged by the words of Maya Angelou. Ladies, please read Phenomenal Woman and Still I Rise amongst others. Her words have been such a source of inspiration.
I don't know how long this phase will last but I do know that it's the journey not the destination that counts.
And with love and Ms. Angelou on my side. I will get through it cos I'm a
woman...Phenomenally!
I do need to get it together cos mama needs a new pair of shoes and they don't accept finger snaps at Neiman's (not that I've tried)

"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you" - Ralph Waldo Emerson