HE IS SO THAT INTO YOU

Picture this- Sitting in my room trying on random outfits. Practicing the golden rule; work the outfit around the shoes and not the other way around. Because a pair of the right fabulous shoes could do a “turn water into wine” type miracle for a dying outfit but the wrong shoes are just downright sinful… I digress…
My “Sex and the City” theme song ring tone goes off…
Me- Hello
Homegirl- “Ok so he just called and I told him how much I love water sports and he just said we should go to some beach sometime soon. What do u think it means?”
Me- Aaaww that’s so sweet…he’s planning for the FUTURE!

And with those very words ladies we have committed what I like to call “potential relationship” suicide.
That conversation was me a couple of years ago. Today; I have a more practical approach when it comes to men. I would simply say to “Homegirl” it just means he wants to take you to the beach on some random Saturday.

I’ve come to find that men are not complicated creatures. They say exactly what they mean. There is no deeper meaning to what any man says. Men only get creative with sexual innuendos and that’s only because he knows you’d sh*t a brick if he said “I want to screw your brains out” during one of the “getting to know you” conversations.
Women read meaning into it all- the deep, intense stares; the “I was just thinking about you” calls that soon stop coming. Guess what honey? In “man-speak” it translates to “I want to screw your brains out!”
There is not a human male of age on this earth who does not have sex on the brains when they meet you. Men are strictly visual creatures acting upon only that which they see. The real feelings from the inside don’t come until later.

Women are idealistic creatures. The moment we meet a guy who can carry more than an hour long conversation, makes us laugh at least 3 times in that hour and shares a minimum of 2 of our “artsy-fartsy” passions like seeing Broadway musicals (or God forbid he likes cartoons!) we start to pick out china patterns or damask colors and name the kids. We girlfriends don’t help either with our psychic abilities. Why are you calling me to decipher what your man said, if I had that ability I’d be too busy to take this call because I’d be “Catering to my man” (we’ll talk about ‘DC’ later for setting the Women’s Liberation Movement back another 50 years…or did they?)

Bottom line- stop putting these men on pedestals. Take every word literally. “I’ll call you later” does not translate to “I’ll call you in 5 minutes”. It could be 5 hours, hell it could be 5 days! They are men! It’s not that deep for them. STOP! Picking up the phone to check for a dial tone! STOP! Using your cell phone to call your land line to check if it’s disconnected. Take your mind off him and get to color coding your closet.
He’s so into you right now. I don’t know about tomorrow, he doesn’t know either (He’s a man!)

Take him off that pedestal you’ve put him on in your mind and stop expecting so much when so little has been said. Maybe you wouldn’t have to utter the words “He just wasn’t that into me” (Who’s he not to be anyway with your fabulous self)
There, I just saved you $20 bucks or $200 an hour on a couch!
Now if only I could take my own advice…

“Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else”- George Bernard Shaw