I'M ANCIENT!!!

My niece called last night from boarding school in England. She’s not allowed to have a cell phone in school neither is she allowed to use it after hours but I guess that doesn’t count when you’ve spent all your pocket money and neither my sister or “Grandma” (my mom) “understand”. Therefore I will “understand” since it wasn’t too long ago I was in the same shoes.
So I agree to get some money to her after all I am and always have been the “cool aunty”.
We move on and she goes “Sooo… have you decided you’re going to get married now? You know you’re already behind schedule”!!!!
Bells went off in my head. I was like WTF??!! Do u mean by I’m behind schedule? (YES I cuss at my nieces! They LUV IT! Lol)
She goes on to explain how by the time she is my age she’ll have her first child and be flying around the world in her husband’s private jet!
Oh to be young and foolish again lol
We get off the phone, and I stopped and thought to myself “When did I stop been the youngest in my family?” “When did I stop been the baby that money had to be wired to?” More importantly, When did I stop crying to any and everybody about how I’m miserable therefore needed * cough *ticket money * cough * for Xmas so as to be around FRIENDS & family in Lagos to feel better. Now its “Oh aren’t you taking a vacation this year? - “Yes mommy I am thinking about it”- “Ok let me know where you plan to go once you’ve finalized your plans, you know you’ve always been independent” (UHN??? Since when???)

My other niece (her younger sister) goes to the secondary school I went. On Sunday evening, I noticed she hadn’t woven her hair, so I asked if she was going to school tomorrow. She goes “Gosh, Aunty have you forgotten? Seniors don’t weave their hair!” I’m like “WHEN did u become a senior?” These were kids that I carried on the first day they were each born!
Now wish lists have gone from Barbie’s to IPods, the new Nokia phone and money, money, money.

These are texts I’ve gotten from my niece below.
Darling auntie, please can you send me credit, thanks BABE! Luv u (When I saw that I was like, ARE u allowed to call me that? BABE!!! I was put on PHONE BAN back in the NITEL days and now at 13 you have a cell phone?)
“Auntie I’m going to the movies with my friends, can I borrow some earrings? plllleeeeaaassseeee” Luv u
Hi Aunt, stopped by the house, you weren’t home. Just wanted to tell you I took your Vogue & InStyle magz, I’ll bring them bk. Luv u
Auntie M are you watching E? Beyonce is on and she looks fabulous!
Auntie I need to go to The Palms on Saturday and mummy said NO! Can you pls tell her you’re taking me and come & pick me plssss.. all my friends are going too.

Lately, it seems everywhere around me there’s a constant reminder of my yester-years (urgh I hate that word)
When I tell people my age now I don’t hear “Oh you’re still a baby” anymore.
I’ve noticed laughter lines on my face, I’m considering adding anti-ageing cream to my beauty regimen because they say the earlier you start the better. There are these lines on my forehead that didn’t used to be there before. Suddenly BOTOX and Restalin are beginning to make sense. I might have to look into those the next time I take a trip.
I’ve even considered putting my non-existent kids on the wait list for St. Saviours (apparently there’s a 2 year wait list) these are kids I don’t even want. I’ve seen what pregnancy does to bodies, why would anyone voluntarily do that to them self?
I can no longer party all weekend and stay up all day at work. My body never used to shut down. Now I sleep for 5 hours and I feel like the living dead all day.

People, I am having a melt down!